I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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