I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
