Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
