they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
