I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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