you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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