I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
