Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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