He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
