I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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