She's JV to your varsity
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
