Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
