I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
