The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
