My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
where are my eyebrows?
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