Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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