so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
