Your face is a jimmy john
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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