Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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