Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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