I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
