I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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