my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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