You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
