Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
