it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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