really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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