This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
PANTIES FOUND
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