good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize