My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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