Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
