how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
