I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
