Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I don't think brook has ever known best
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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