Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
