Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Redeem this text for a blowjob
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Can you bring me the toilet please
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
