My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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