it wasn't lemon gatorade
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
MIDGETS
????
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
