i don't plan on having that self control this summer
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
