Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
