So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize