this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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