oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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