Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I supernannyed him into submission
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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