I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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