My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
