my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
