its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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