Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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