There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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