I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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