Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
