So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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