Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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