im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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