Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize