Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
