last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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