lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
