my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
