Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
