Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
