my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
