meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
This baby is an asshole
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
