Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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