she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
