Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
