I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i need some magic done to my vagina
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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