Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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