dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
