Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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