Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
