My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize