I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
