I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize