Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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