My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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