I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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