you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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