new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Randomize
