Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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