So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
