Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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