So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Randomize
