and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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