either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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