found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
