okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize