I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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