ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
