arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
