Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
